Day 1
San Diego, California – Yuma, Arizona

It was a pretty uneventful day, and I was glad to have it that way. Every five minutes or so, I’d check behind me, expecting to see or hear sirens behind me. It felt as if I was a criminal running from the law. I guess in a way I was, since I was only 17, I wasn’t quite legal yet. I was still under the care of the Blacks, and the federal thingie.

Day 2
Yuma, Arizona - Bowie, Arizona

“Hi, you’ve reached the Black residence. No one's home right now, which would explain this message. You know the drill, bye.” I sighed as my normal, calm voice greeted me for the umpteenth time. I hung up for the umpteenth time, leaning against the side of the telephone booth.

I had been calling and calling again and again for the last couple of days, but nothing’s come up. The answering machine’s on constantly. One time, someone answered, but it was a completely different voice. Gruff and scratchy, nothing like Gary’s laughing one. That was one of the first few times. I didn’t feel like talking to the police then, it was too early.

But now, I would have talked to all the authority figures in the whole world over and over again as long as it meant I could talk to them or Linda. It surprised me, but after a day, I found myself missing them like crazy. I guess you get used to someone after 3 years. It was the first time I’d felt like this about anyone. Sure I had left behind a few nice families occasionally, although very rarely, but I never really missed them because my stay was always so short. Now, all I wanted was to hear the voice of someone I knew as well as I knew them.

I was in the edge of Arizona, Southeast. It was late, so I had checked myself into a shabby motel. The rooms sucked, smelled like shit and was smaller than my closet back in San Diego, but I didn’t care. And the owner was a very nice old lady, who fed me with her home cooking. Grandma Black was a good cook too.

I dug into my jean pocket for some more change and came up with enough to call again. I’d have to exchange some more coins tomorrow.

“Hi, you’ve reached the-” Oh dear Lord, not again… “which would explain this message. You know the drill, bye.” I decided to go for it any way. I wasn’t wasting my money for no reason.

“Guys? It’s me. I’m fine by the way. I’ve been calling and calling but the answering machine was always on and…yeah, so I’m fine. Did I already sa-” I heard a faint click.

“Loretta? Sweetie? Oh thank goodness, Loretta where are you? Are you okay?”

It was Marilyn, and I had never heard her sound so frantic and out of it.

“Yeah it’s me. I’m fine, I’m clean, my gut’s full, I'm not hurt, I’m warm and I have shelter for the night. And I don't have a knife against my throat nor a gun behind my back” Humour was always good. Or not.

“Loretta, don't joke like that! I am so, so glad to hear you're okay!. I was worried sick! Where are you Lorie?”

I hesitated and glanced around. Then I decided to tell them. What the heck, it wasn’t like they could find me now, and plus, this was in a phone booth in the middle of the desert.

“I’m in Arizona and-”

“Arizona?!” I swear, I had never heard Marilyn, nor anyone, screech as loudly as she had then. I had to hold the phone away from my ears for a while, until I noticed the timer flash on and off.

“I’m running out of quarters, but I’ll ring you again tomorrow or something okay? Okay, so I’ll see you later, love you-” I got cut off. I sighed placed the receiver back on the hook. I turned and stepped outside, the cold breeze hitting my face. Who knew the desert could get so cold at night?

I looked around my dark surroundings. There were dim pools of light in front of each room door. I looked back out at the desert and the twinkling night sky before hurrying back into my room. Motels in such a isolated place? Not my idea of assurance.

=+=

“I’m running out of quarters, but I’ll ring you again tomorrow or something okay? Okay, so I’ll see you later, love you-”

Marilyn gazed at the receiver in her hand, mouth-hanging open.

“Lynn? Marilyn honey are you okay, how’s Loretta? Is she okay?” Kyle asked worriedly, wrapping his arm around his wife. Linda stood opposite to them, arms wrapped around her lanky, slender frame, concern painted on her face.

They waited a few more seconds in anxiety until Marilyn broke out in a smile.

“She’s fine…”

Two breaths were released into the warm living room simultaneously.

Marilyn turned so that she was facing both her daughter and husband. She was beaming, eyes twinkling merrily in contentment.

“She loves us Gary, oh she loves us Linda! She loves us!” She let out an excited shriek and embraced with her family. Then she burst into tears.

Day 3
Bowie, Arizona – Alamogordo, New Mexico

“Thanks you Mrs. Dimes, I promise I’ll keep in touch.”

“All right sweetheart, you take care now, and don’t accept rides from strangers.” The old lady lectured me warmly before pulling me into a hug. The more I thought about it, the more she reminded me of Grandma Black.

I waved goodbye as I slid into the driver’s seat of my beat up truck. Everything I needed was in the back, and I was ready to leave Arizona, toward the east.

=+=

“That will be $5.70 thanks.”

“I’ve only got a twenty dollar note…all right with you?”

“That’s fine.” The guy at the checkout desk grinned. Had to admit, he was cute, but I wasn’t interested. At all. And yes, I am a girl. And no, I am not attracted to my sex. Although it does sound pretty interesting. But let’s not get into that.

I’d been driving and driving endlessly, so much in fact, that I don’t think I’ll ever wanna drive again after this. But ol’ Ginger had been good. Ginger’s my truck, in case you didn’t catch on. She’s orange-ish ginger. Hence the name Ginger.

Pulling out my State map and cramming an Oreo into my mouth rather unattractively, I ran my index finger along the trail I’d travelled so far today. Pretty good actually, I’d gotten from Bowie, Arizona, to Las Cruces, New Mexico, and it was only just past lunch time. Getting up early did have its advantages, and with the rate I was moving at, I would most likely get to my destination in roughly three days. That is, if I was willing to go with 6 hours of sleep each day.

I reached into the packet, only to find the Oreo’s gone. I must have been hungrier than I thought. I shoved the rest of my groceries into my satchel and got ready to – surprise – drive again.

Day 4
Alamogordo, New Mexico – Farwell, Texas

“Ow, ow, ow, ow, OW!” I screamed as my back creaked and moaned as I sat up after a night of sleep. I must have cussed more than I ever had, words were flowing out of my mouth.

I couldn’t find any decent place to stay over the night, so I had ended up spending the night in the car. A normal car would have been nice, not great, but better, as I could have pushed the seats back, but a truck? No-no. I tried sleeping flat out on the back, but it got too cold during the night. And now I was paying the price for warmth.

I needed to find breakfast, I was famished. The whole outdoor adventure must have had its affect on me. Some tea would be good. And waffles saturated in syrup.

=+=

I had learnt a few things about New Mexico during my stay. I found out there was such a place called Mt. Taylor, not too far from Albuquerque. Then there was a place by the name of Truth or Consequences. Weird huh? Then there was Las Vegas, but that place would have to be a drab compared to the Real Thing. I’ve been there once, did I tell you about that? This guy, whose wife ran off with another guy, took me in. He drank every night, and was definitely stoned every night. He was pretty violent, but I knew better to stay out of the house when he was. Although he did manage to land a couple of blows on my face. He’s in jail now thank God. Now he was a bastard, and definitely one that I didn’t miss for sure.

“Loretta?”

“Wow, you must be like, psychic or something Lindie.”

“You didn’t call yesterday.” Uh-oh, she did NOT sound pleased. She was using her lawyer tone. The accusing, evil, vile voice which dripped with sarcasm and poison. This was not good.

“Well I was driving heaps, and I was really tired and I have just been…Woah, you know? Hey did you know there’s a place called Truth or Consequence in New Mexico?” It was true, I wasn’t exactly lying. But to be honest, I didn’t ring because I would have been asked of my whereabouts, where I was staying over night, and I wouldn’t have been able to lie. I couldn’t exactly tell Marilyn, the ever so concerned mother figure that I was sleeping out on the side of the road in my battered up truck. I hated being lied to. So naturally, I hated lying.

“Mom was so worried! So was dad! I can’t believe how irresponsible you were! Did it not occur to you even once that they’d be worried sick? Especially since they don’t know exactly what the hell you’re doing, since you’re being so secretive about everything? I can’t believe you Loretta. This isn’t like you! What the hell were you thinking?” I waited a few seconds to make sure she was finished. She was because I heard her breathing heavily, trying to catch her breath.

I was angry. I was never angry, never showed my rage. Whenever I happened to feel so, I’d just become quiet, maybe even depressed. So this was a first.

“Why the hell should they care Linda? Its not like they’re my mom and dad are they? They’ve already got you, so why bother with me huh? I’m surprised they’ve kept me around for so long! You have no right to yell at me because you don’t know what it’s like. Oh yes, for the first time in her life, Linda Elise Black doesn’t know something. And unfortunately, this is something you’ll never, ever understand.” I gasped, choking back tears that were threatening to fall.

Linda was silent on the other end.

“Oh God, I am so sorry Lorie, I don’t even know what I was thinking. I’m so, so sorry.”

“And maybe that’s the problem. You have nothing but pity for me. All three of you. Everyone else, the whole world! You have nothing to offer me but pity. Maybe one day if you’re lucky, you’ll realise what life is like on the outside. You’ve been brought up with the whole world revolving around you Linda. You’ve had the perfect childhood. You don’t know what the world is like.”

“I’m a lawyer Lorie, trust me, I know what the world is like.”

I scoffed. Another newie for me.

“Yeah, and my mom and dad love me to bits. Really. You know what, grow up Linda. Wake up and open your eyes. Smell the fucking coffee huh? In the world you're referring to, the only bad things are people suing each other to hell. Snap out of it and step outside. Maybe you’ll survive, maybe you won’t. Either way, good luck, you’ll need it.” I had never hung up on someone before. At least not that I can remember. But right then I couldn’t remember much. My head was foggy. I’d always loved clouds…just not in my head.

=+=

Day four, suckful.

Day 5
Farwell, Texas – Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

So yesterday hadn’t gone well. Major understatement there. I hadn’t called back, and I wasn’t planning to any time soon. I couldn’t talk to Linda just yet, I needed to figure out just what had happened. And I was also too stubborn. For my own good most likely.

Today was the most beneficial day. It was my longest drive yet, I don’t think I really slept. Maybe a couple of hours or so in total, but I couldn’t. I was basically here really. I was in the state wasn’t I? It was only a few hours away. No biggie. Especially after all this.

But that wasn’t the problem. I was beginning to get cold feet. Perfect timing huh? Only a few hours away, the time which I could overcome only if I could overcome my fatigue, and I was hesitating. Of course I wasn’t going to turn around and go back, everything would have been a waste. Well, except for a few geography and history I’d picked up here and there.

But I was too close to back out now, and even if I did, I knew I’d never forgive myself for it. So yeah, I only had one choice and it made everything easier in its own little ways. But that didn’t mean I had to like it. Because I didn’t. For the first time in my life, I, Loretta Marie…the girl with no last name, was absolutely, positively petrified.

Day 6
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

I didn’t travel any further on my sixth day. I just slept and bummed around. I was buying time. I went shopping for a bit, just picking up various necessities. And I have to admit, I bought their album. I was trying to be positive, and if my prediction was right and they welcomed me with open arms, I figured I may as well have some knowledge.

It was kinda interesting. I spent the whole night in my motel room, with the CD cover beside my face, staring in the mirror. Apart from the fact that he was a guy and I a girl, it was pretty easy to tell we were twins. Well, well, well, there was someone in this world that looked like me. Someone whom I looked like. I wondered if we were alike inside too. Like our personalities. One of my ‘sisters’ from ages ago told me there couldn’t be anyone like me. Because I was too weird. Because I was too horrible, proven with the fact that my mommy and daddy didn’t want me. It was surprising just how much venom children had in them.

I’d never, ever told anyone that. It was something I kept to myself. I remember it so clearly, I was only 7 years old, she only 10. I think her name was Veronica. I think. There were so many different ‘siblings’, I forget. But I remember crying my heart out down by the creek that was near the house. I cried and cried, then fell asleep by the grass field. I woke up in the middle of the night, and saw something pretty peculiar. At least, I thought it was anyway.

I saw a star. Not just any old star, one single star, up in the dark raven cloudless sky. All by itself, nothing else around it in sight.. No moon, nothing at all. It twinkled really brightly. I stared at it until my eyelids were too heavy. I didn’t wake up again that night. Not even through the light drizzle which left me shivering and wet in the morning. Somehow, that star made me feel better.

I hadn’t seen it since.

But I saw it tonight. I was in a near by park, swinging on the swings. There was an ice cream parlour, one of those old fashioned ones. There was a family of four walkign out. Mother, father, a little girl and a younger boy. Holding hands, laughing, taking a bite of each other’s cones.

I cried, looked up and saw the star.

But this time, instead of camping out on the grass, I went back to the motel, checked out early, (or late, depends which way you see it) and drove my truck to…somewhere. I didn’t know where I was going, but I did know I was getting closer to my destination, just following that lone star.

I laughed out aloud, more than I ever had, when I realised the irony. The three wise men had followed a star to find their saviour. Someone who would make everything okay. I stopped laughing when I realised I was getting hysterical. I was starting to scare myself. I parked on the side of the road and fell asleep on the back of the truck, exposed to the sky.

In the morning, I woke up with a damp body.

< . Mail . >