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|Zac| “Mom?” Silence “Mom! Moooom? Mother? Mommy? Mama? Ma? Maw! Mom?” She couldn’t be deaf already…she wasn’t that old…just yet. I glanced at my watch after a few more seconds of silence. Oh crap, it’s 12:42. Lunch time. No wonder no one was home. God I love the holidays, sleeping in is the best part. Of course, watching TV all day with ice cream is good too. Oh, speaking of ice cream… I opened the door of the room I shared with my two older brothers, Taylor and Isaac. No one in the hallway. The house is dead silent, and the stillness was kinda making me feel uneasy. Sure I like my peace and quiet every now and then, but most of the time, I liked the fact that there was life around me. Made me feel more secure I guess. Not that I’m insecure or anything. Taylor says I’m the least insecure person he knows. I’m pretty sure that was a compliment. But with Tay, you never know. Ah ha! Victory is mine...mom hadn’t failed me. Ice cream, TV, here I come. |Loretta| I have a mom and a dad. I have siblings too. Biological parents, biological family. Again, I know what you’re thinking – ‘Of course, duh! Doesn’t everyone have biological parents? Other wise how would you have come here?’ You’re right, that was a stupid way to put it. Everyone has a maternal body, something – someone - they came out of. So let me reword it. For a girl who has been taken in many times since birth, I really know my biological parents. As in I know who they are. I know their names, I know what they look like, and I even got a chance to hear my father’s voice. So why am I still with them? It wasn’t because my parents didn’t want to see me, it wasn’t because I didn’t want to go to them. Nothing was really standing in the way. Nothing at all, except my own anxiety, fear, my lack of hope and faith, but most of all, my brothers. |Taylor| I feel blue. I don’t know why I’m feeling this way, I just am. It wasn’t anything new to be honest; I’ve felt like this many times before. And I never knew why. It was just, I’d be happy and hyper one second, then all of a sudden, a curtain would fall over me, and I didn’t feel anything except this uneasiness. I’ve always been home schooled with my siblings. I’ve never been to school before. I don’t know what it’s like to go to school and joke around with friends, to have a food fight in the cafeteria, to hang out around lockers. I don't know what it's like to secretly spy on a girl you've got a crush on from a few desks or lockers away. I’ve been somewhat deprived. But there were times when I’d get this strange sensation where it felt like I was among people, like a school, even when I was actually alone in a room or something. Like I was being surrounded, getting closed in. Not a good feeling. I’d feel nervous, yet careless; uneasy, yet better. As if I was somewhere up top, above everyone else, and knew a little secret of my own. I don’t like secrets. Sometimes I have these strange dreams. I’d be sitting in a chair, and it would be all dark except this one little bit of light. There’s always a figure in the light, but it was black, and too far for me to make anything out. It was fairly small, most likely a girl, she was quite short, little and petite. She would be standing there, not moving at all. But despite the darkness, I could sense that she was looking at me. Then all of a sudden, there would be that closing in feeling again, and these two voices chanting two different words. The laughing, jeering and loud voice would repeat ‘segregate’, while the softer, breathy and reassuring voice would say ‘accept the future, forgive the past.’ Then, I would see the figure, the girl, reach out a hand. I’d raise my arm to take it, to try and get out of all the confusion, but I’d always wake up. It’s been like that for such a long time, exactly when it started I don’t know. It was a few years ago, I forget. But every time I’d wake up from it, I’d have this sense of calm, serenity and warmth. I liked it. It made me feel like I was a part of something special. |Loretta| I love the sky. I love the clouds, the rain, the sun and everything about it, even on a cold, ugly day. I loved the way it marbled with the sunset, I loved how it would slowly get dark, until it was dark enough for the stars to show up. I loved the moon, especially when it was full. I loved how it was all so complete, and how bright it was. But that’s not very important. “Lorie?” whispered Linda. Linda’s my ‘sister’ you know the smart, beautiful, good-hearted sweetheart of a lawyer? As in Linda Black. Lawyers are usually vicious, somewhat verbally brutal and careless people. Yeah I’m being judgmental. So sue me. But because of this assumption, you’d think twice about sweet Linda being a lawyer. But you haven’t seen her in a courtroom. She becomes this vile bitch. Okay, that’s a exaggeration, but that doesn’t matter, since I hate lawyers. Lawyers lie, and I hate lies. Anyway, back to the land of living. “Yeah?” “Spaghetti okay?” “Yeah.” “Will you make the salad?” “Yeah.” “Did you get the movie?” “Yeah.” They weren't home. Out for the night, rekindling what little they had left of the romance. They weren’t fighting or anything like that, but God knew how old they were. Linda was home for a week, and we were staying in, making dinner, watching movies, typical girlie stuff. Except Linda was no longer a girl. We settled down in front of the TV, equipped with full plates, cans of Coke, me sprawled on the floor in front of the sofa, and Linda sitting back comfortably in the overstuffed one-seater. ‘Titanic’ was on the screen, just starting. I never liked this movie, never went to the cinema to see it, and I’d only seen it once at home on video, and not by choice either. I thought Leonardo DiCaprio was nothing but a bratty pretty boy, and Kate Winslet, well, she was a good role model, as the media had put it, but I just didn’t like her. Of course, sweetie-pie Linda loved it, babbled and hiccuped everytime she saw it. After dessert of every junk food we could find in the house, we watched the MTV in silence. Until a familiar music video came on. Half way through the song, I decided to let my thoughts be known. “Linnie?” “Hmm?” “Can I ask you something?” I guess my voice must have been pretty solemn, as Linda turned the TV off, shifted around to face me. “Of course, you know I’m always here Etta.” I closed my eyes, breathing in and out steadily. I must have been doing that for some time, because Linda called to me in a worried tone. “Yeah, um…I was just wondering…” “What? If you could borrow my car? Sure you can, anytime while I’m home.” “No, it’s not that…” I trailed off, not knowing how to continue. Linda ducked her head slightly in encouragement, patiently waiting all the while. “Well, you see, I’ve known something, and it’s been a few years, and I’ve never told anyone before, and it’s gonna be weird telling someone…especially in my situation…I don’t know why I decided to tell you now, but I’ve just been thinking lately and wondering real hard, and it’s just that-” I stopped abruptly, looking up at Linda’s angel face when I realised I was blabbering. I cleared my throat and started again. “Well, the thing is…” I hesitated “What would happen if I told you I…let me...let me rephrase that. What if my real parents, biological parents, found me and wanted me back?” That was not what I had intended to confess. Chicken. Linda looked surprised for a second or two at the unexpected question, before she moved closer, taking me into her arms. I leaned in, resting my head on her shoulder, and she squeezed me tighter, as if holding on, to never let go. This was where I felt the most comfortable, snuggled within Linda’s embrace. There was something reassuring there, and she always made sure I knew she loved me at least, if not by anyone else. “Well…I guess it would be up to mom and dad, the courts, the evidence, and maybe even a jury…but that would be in the legalities sense. In a more personal level, I have no answers except that you’re always going to be a part of us.” She didn’t mean it in any way bad, and it was supposed to be reassuring, like every other advice she had given me. But this was different; it didn’t involve boys, clothes, or anything material like that. What she had told me, it was one of those things that should have made any normal human being feel loved, wanted and a part of something. But the last part did not apply. The way she referred to herself and her parents as ‘us’ made me feel even more separate from them. It’s funny how simple little words can make such an impact. I lost my composure right then and there, and out came the great big sobs. My whole body heaved and shook as I cried into her shoulders, soaking the soft cotton of Linda’s pyjamas. She rocked back and forth, rubbing my back, and whispering how everything would be okay. But anyone knew it was a lie. Nothing was ever okay. So I cried and cried, Linda thinking she knew just why I was breaking down, when really, she had no idea. None whatsoever. She would never ever have guessed, she didn’t know what it was like. She didn’t understand. No one did. So I made my decision, right then and there, sobbing into Linda’s shoulders. I hadn't cried in a long time. It felt really, really good.